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How to Stay Sane when You Have to Lay People Off

Here you are, having to lay off yet more people. They don't deserve it. Their work is essential to your team and the company. They are co-workers, even friends. What's worse, nobody believes how hard it is to terminate people. They don't understand that you have trouble sleeping, you can't eat, you have headaches, you just want to go in your office and close the door. And if one more person says, "At least you still have a job," you're going to kick something.

It is possible to stay sane even when you have to lay people off. The key is to prepare yourself, and take care of yourself. You may feel like you don't deserve it, since you still have a job and the people you're laying off don't. But you won't help your company by losing your sanity, your health, or your peace of mind. And remember, it's not your fault that these people are being terminated.

Create a Process for Yourself

So, your HR department has done their work: they (or Legal) have reviewed the termination, checking that there are no legal issues; they've decided whether there will be a severance package, and if so, what it will contain. Now it's your turn.

Create a concrete process to follow. Don't leave the success of the termination interview to chance. If HR provides you with a process, use it. If not, develop your own (be sure to have HR or Legal, or both, review it before you use it).

Write a Script for Yourself
First, write a script of what you will say. Start with how you will tell the person that they're being laid off – keep this simple and direct. Then information about the severance package, if any, and any exit procedures such as signing forms, turning in badges, etc.

Limit the Time
Set a time limit for the termination interview, say, 10 minutes.

Schedule the Interview Carefully
If you can, schedule the interview for a day other than Friday, and earlier in the day rather than later. Schedule an additional, later time when the person can ask questions; they may not think of what they want to ask until after the interview.

Know the Most Common Reactions
Prepare yourself for the six most common employee reactions to being terminated: denial and bargaining, formality, grief, anger, stoicism, and relief. For a description of each of these, and suggestions on how to respond to each of them, see "Handling the Tough Task of Laying Off," at the Seattle Times.

Help Yourself Recover
Afterwards, do something calming and nurturing for yourself.

Stay Calm and Businesslike during the Termination Interview

It's not easy to remain calm and businesslike in a termination interview. But there are some techniques you can use.

The goal of these techniques is help you to neutralize your natural reaction to someone who is angry, hostile, crying, or having any other reaction that makes it hard for you to continue the interview calmly.

Visualization Techniques
One technique is to visualize the other person as something that can't harm you, or is damaged but will repair itself. For example, you might visualize the person as a small, localized, natural disaster – such as a tornado or thunderstorm – small enough and far enough away that you are safe from it. Alternatively, visualize the person as a tree that's been damaged by a storm but has strong roots, or a meadow that will re-grow after being burned by a forest fire.

A second technique is to visualize yourself as some strong, calm entity that can withstand the difficulties of the interview. You could visualize yourself as a solid, stable mountain; a deep lake; or a perfect, smoothly running machine.

Cognitive Techniques
A cognitive technique to neutralize your reaction to someone is to create a phrase you can repeat mentally that helps you remain calm. For example, you might say to yourself, "I did not create this situation, I am merely communicating the facts," "I am well and whole, healthy and happy," "I am fine," or "Nothing he (or she) does diminishes me."

Another technique is to neutralize your sense of horrible power over the other person. Imagine that, a year from now, the person you are terminating will have to terminate you. The point is not to feel the other person's pain – you already feel it enough – but to balance your perception of the power in the situation, and allow you to prepare for the interview in a calm, professional, and neutral way.

And a final technique is to write all of your feelings and concerns about the interview on a piece of paper, and put it in your desk. Remind yourself, during the interview, that you have set your feelings and concerns aside for the moment.

Take Care of Yourself

Studies show that managers who lay people off continue to suffer from stress-related illnesses for several years. Guard against emotional exhaustion, sleep problems, headaches, ulcers, and similar problems by eating right, exercising, practicing good sleep hygiene, and seeing your doctor.

Your stress may sneak up on you, or you may find yourself unusually irritated or angry. Schedule a time to vent with someone you trust, such as a spouse, friend, or counselor. Remind yourself that the economy will get better with time, and stay sane until then.